cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
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