Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
