We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
