just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
