I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
