I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
