my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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