Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
