I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
He shit in the fireplace
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
