I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
