and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
