he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
