She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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