i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
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