SEEEEXXX PLEASE
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Randomize
