i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
