You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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