Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Randomize