guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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