@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
