I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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