Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
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