Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
