So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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