Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
