The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
