i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Still dying that you shit outside
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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