and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Randomize
