no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
