I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
