May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
