oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Randomize
