i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Randomize
