you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
