Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
