I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
