He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
