You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
