mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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