You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
