I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
