what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
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