I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
