remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
