Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
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