So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Randomize
