There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
