i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I think people are normalizing furries
Randomize
