maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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