i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
