My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
they're like a gay fantastic four
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
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