you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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